Top 9 Sex Jokes

> > TOP 9 SEX JOKES
> >
> >  # 9
> >
> >  A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
> >  As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a
woman
> >  beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They
are
> > both
> >  startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast,
> > I
> >  know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as
your
> >  elbow, I'm in room 1221."
> >
> >        ********************************************************
> >
> >  # 8
> >
> >  A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get
you?"
> > the
> >  bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded
the
> > young
> >  man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first
> > blowjob."
> >  "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No
> >  offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing
will."
> >
> >        *********************************************************
> >
> >  #7
> >
> >  A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated
next to
> > an
> >  absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
notices
> > she
> > is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it
and
> > she
> >  replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.
It
> >  identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis
and
> > Polish
> >  men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is
Jill.
> > What's
> >  yours?" He coolly replies,
> >  "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
> >
> >        ***********************************************************
> >
> >  # 6
> >
> >  One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps
his
> > wife
> > on  the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over
and
> > says:
> > I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I
want
> > to
> > stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.
A
few
> > minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This
time he
> > whispers
> > in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
> >
> >        ************************************************************
> >
> >  # 5
> >
> >  Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
> > number
> > of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he
had a
> >  terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle
> >  slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk
> > about  it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He
vowed to
> > overcome
> >  the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came
home
> > absolutely ashamed. His wife could see at
> >  once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she
> > asked.
> >  "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to
put
> > my
> >  penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I
did."
> > "My
> >  God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what
> > happened
> >  with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."
> >
> >
**************************************************************
> >
> >  # 4
> >
> >  A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a
coma
> > for
> >  several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast
instead
> > of
> >  just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man
runs
> > out
> > and
> >  tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he
should
> > try
> >  rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man
goes
> > in
> >  and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the
doctor
> >  suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he
will
> > wait
> >  outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be
> >  embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes
later,
> > white  as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor
asks
> > what
> >  happened to which the man replies: "She choked."
> >
> >        ************************************************************
> >
> >  # 3
> >
> >  A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts
the
> >  alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll
make
> > you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals
> > inside.
> > Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open
his
> > mouth
> > and  I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this
> > spectacle,
> > each  of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their
approval.
> > The
> > man
> >  stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates
in
> > the
> >  alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd
gasped.
> >  After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the
alligator
> > hard  on the top of its  head. The gator opened his mouth and the
man
> > removed his genitals unscathed
> >  as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks
were
> > delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay
> > anyone
> > $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.
After
> > a
> >  while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly
spoke
up.
> >  "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with
the
> > beer
> >  bottle".
> >
> >
***************************************************************
> >
> > # 2
> >
> >  A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he
notices a
> > huge
> > black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon
the
> >  small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick,
3
> > pound
> >  left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy
> > faints!!
> >  The big black dude picks up the small white guy and
> >  brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the
small
> > white
> >  guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me but
what
did
> > you  say?". The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot all,
> >  350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball,
my
> > name
> > is  Turner Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought
> >  you said 'Turn around. '"
> >
> >        ***********************************************************
> >
> >  # 1
> >
> >  There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were
> > sitting
> >  at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to
his
> > wife,
> >  "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years." "Yeah," she
> > replied,
> >  "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast
> > table
> >  together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting
here
> > naked  as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered,
"What do
> > you
> >  say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the
buff
and
> > sat  down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady
> > breathlessly
> >  replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty
years
> > go."
> >  "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee
and
> > the
> >  other is in your oatmeal!!!!



Car Insurance Brisbane
Brisbane Car Rental
Last Modified: 10 September 2002
Generated in 0 seconds.
493346 visits